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I have an IR "point and shoot" thermometer and use it almost every day. It is an amazing device, but I think its aperture is too wide to give you a correct reading for something as small as a connector. This is the same reason you can't use it to check the temperature of your hot end, because the heat source is only a few millimeters in cross section, and the IR thermometer is integrating the temp from an area that is 20-40 mm across, even when held near to the heat source.
I still recommend feeling the connector. I did this shortly after posting above and found the connectors mildly warm to the touch, probably about 10-15° F (5-10° C) above ambient, which is normal.
Remember, the point of this thread and others like it is the worry that your printer is going to catch fire. To have that happen you have to reach the ignition point of some material in the printer. The most likely ignition point would be either the filament or the wire insulation. Both have auto ignition temps at levels that (obviously) exceed the temperature at which you are extruding the filament. Those 200° C (and higher) temps would not let you touch the object without extreme pain. Thus, if you can hold a connector in your hand after current has been flowing through it for a few hours, and that connector only feels slightly warm, I don't think you have a problem.